we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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