you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
