I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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