i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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