Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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