turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
