'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
