i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
