Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
