no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
