Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
