Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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