WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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