I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Randomize