I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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