Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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