I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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