He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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