So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
id be glad to
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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