I am puke
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Randomize
