fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I need a beard to bite.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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