It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
