I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
