what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
