I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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