Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
