fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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