you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
