...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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