HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
