just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
