I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
