we have pet lesbian snakes
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
