Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
