I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
