i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
