thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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