she smelled like a LAN party
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize