i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
