God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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