you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
