Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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