Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
