i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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