i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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