haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
