I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize