i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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