I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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