Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Two words: blizzard sex
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
