I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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