Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
