I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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