I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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