so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
