It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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