Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
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